How To Deal

20 Feb
  • text your ex
  • text old flings
  • drink four and a half bottles of wine
  • walk alone in the dark without your phone
  • buy 3 pairs of shoes
  • plan a date every night for the next two weeks or so

 

These are all awful ideas of ways to get over someone. I am currently a few (no I will not incriminate myself and give a number) bottles of wine deep, so the filter is long gone. Sorry Dad. Its been about a week now and I’d like to think I’m doing well with all of this but given that I have done every thing listed above, that is clearly far from the truth.

Please don’t ask me why I got drinks with my ex. Please don’t ask me why he came back to my apartment for more drinks. Please don’t ask me anything about that night. The same goes for old flings.

The wine has been absolutely delicious but I heard that there’s some kind of grape shortage coming up and I am doing the wine industry no favors by sadly chugging some sauv blancs on the couch while Legally Blonde plays in the background.

The walk was pretty refreshing but it’s just really not safe considering I’m very low to the ground, a female, and low key tipsy. I’ll try it again when it’s light out.

My closet is very thankful for this little interruption of my happiness, but to be honest it isn’t like I needed any of these “feel good” gifts to myself anyways. The pink heels though, always a good choice.

I’m about to be exhausted but hey, ya girl is trying to stay as busy as possible so that my mind doesn’t stay occupied by something that doesn’t/won’t/can’t matter. Remember when I tried to do 100 dates in 90 days? A less aggressive version, coming right up. Also, you have this dude to thank for that little *~experiment going to shambles. Had I not caught the feels, maybe I would have finished it.

That’s doubtful. Never mind.

It’s nice that people keep checking in on me but I swear to God if one more person asks me how I’m doing with it, I will absolutely lose my shit. Not even going to pardon my french for that.

I guess I’ve always been pretty awful about handling my feelings, or even talking about them. I remember countless nights in high school when my parents would know something was up with me and I would be in their room bawling my eyes out, but wouldn’t ever budge on telling them what was wrong. For me, it has always been easier to just sweep it under the rug and move on. Orrrrrrrr deal with it in completely unhealthy and borderline stupid ways. I mean really….. an ex? Did I learn nothing from that in college?

However, that little lapse of judgement with Nathan really showed me everything I needed to. As we were leaving the final bar heading towards our Uber, he looked at me and said “I’m not leading you on, am I?” to which I so eloquently responded “I don’t care enough about you for that to happen”. Aggressive? Absolutely. But true? For sure. Of courseeeeeee I care about him. Always probably maybe will. In different capacities. But, he doesn’t have that hold on me like he used to. The last time this was an issue for us, I have to think that it was in large part because I hadn’t cared about anyone since him. This time was a complete 180. I think I needed that, if nothing else to show me that I am capable of caring again. Post breakup I became so cold, almost selfish (and not in the attractive way) that I really didn’t foresee myself giving a shit about anyone other than myself for years to come. Ha. I must be blissfully unaware of my massive heart.

So, tomorrow I will step towards some less idiotic coping mechanisms. Or not. As always, that’s to be determined.

okkk

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