Spite

30 Aug

This whole breakup has made me feel especially spiteful towards him. Which sounds awful but I’m pretty sure most people don’t have well wishes for those who have lied to them/cheated on them/etc. I have never wanted to see someone get hurt as much as I wanted some girl to completely rock him (in the bad way), twice as badly as he ever hurt me. I say the dumbest spiteful stuff because I can. Because I’m mad. I’m hurt. And this will probably hurt me for a long time to come. So, fair is fair, right?

Yeah, fair definitely is fair. But, I realized that another girl breaking his heart wouldn’t be near enough emotional damage to compare to what I was put through. Hence, the happy revenge.

I AM SO HAPPY I CANNOT STAND IT. I met a wonderful man; a graduate from The Citadel working for the South Carolina state government; and he is just incredible. I had that shred of hopelessness in my system post-breakup, but this man made me realize that no, I am not hopeless. I am a catch, and I can find happiness very easily. We are vacating to Charleston, SC for the long weekend to catch his alma mater’s football game and just enjoy the Holy City. I don’t care how this makes him feel, but all I care to know is that this makes me immensely happy, and that is enough for me to feel like I’ve won. This isn’t a competition by any means, but few things are more satisfying than feeling on top of the world. I also get to look cute too – a new 15 pound weight loss came out of nowhere and I am not complaining. My smile is brighter and my eyes are bluer. Happiness is radiating out of the darkest corners of my life.

Talking to Hailey about this helped a lot. Apparently I’m not the only girl who does the whole spiteful/happy revenge thing. So that at least makes me feel better. No girl likes to feel like she’s out of line. Actually, the vast majority of girls are okay with being batshit crazy, but I am not. I don’t want to feel this way about Nathan, I really don’t. I spent two years of my life, faithfuly dedicated to him. It sucks he can’t say the same. I don’t exactly like looking back on things and feeling stupid or hateful towards people. Typically you can find me with a smile and just exuding happiness. Which I am right now, to everyone in the world. I hope he’s happy and all that other sappy stuff, absolutely. I don’t feel the need to text him and make sure he’s doing well though. I’m sure he will find happiness in whatever he does, as I have done in my life. 

I know I am not alone in saying petty things about my ex and his friends that are girls or stupid choices he made or just overall sounding stupid. I have heard every single person I know, including him, say less than savory things about their ex’s. If he is saying stuff about me, that’s fine. I’m not saying he has any reason to (because he doesn’t) but if he chooses to, whatevaaaaaa. It’s all good. He shouldn’t care what I’m saying (and I’m sure he doesn’t anyway) because in the end, we all know who we really are, so the words of others should only hurt if theyre true.

 

Some say that massive success is the best revenge; I have found that it is happiness. 

okkk

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