Celeb Shot

16 Jan

Let me preface this post by letting you all know that I did not write this. I have been sufering with some serious writers block lately, so I turned to my lovely boyfriend, Nathan, for some help. These words are all his, and the editing I did was solely grammatical. So, without further adue, here is his guest post, that I am so proud of. You go, merp. Enjoy!

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Well for those of you who had your share of fun in college, high school, even middle school (hey I’m not one to judge, as you’ll soon learn) then you should already know that this is not your beloved blonde girl talking.  No, this is my “celeb shot” on her blog, so, let me down easy.  Loyal readers of BlondeGirlSays.com, I come to you not as a man, but as a dick; a dick who has seen the error of his dick-ish ways and wishes to share with the world his ideas of how not to end up like me.  Now I don’t have all the answers y’all will be looking for, and if I did, they wouldn’t be on this blog, I’d have published them in a hard copy and charged 39.99 a pop.  Read closely though, because some of these might hit closer to home than you’d think.

For those of you who keep up with Blonde Girl and know what has happened in the past few months, I am the ex-ex-boyfriend y’all may have heard about, actually that I know y’all have heard about.  Please hold all hateful comments until you have finished reading.  For a while there I thought I knew what I wanted, and that was to be single and enjoy the standard college lifestyle, frequent your usual college bars, and make the same old poor decisions that college students have been making since young men and women first began running away from home to expand their education (and deteriorate their livers).  I had made up my mind to break up with my girlfriend thinking that this was what I wanted.  I had always been the guy who had a girlfriend since high school and something about not having to worry about anyone else but me seemed like a very enticing lifestyle, so I decided to chase it.  I went down and broke things off with her down at her school.  I figured that after everything I owed it to her to go down and do this face to face, probably the only redeeming thing I did through the whole ordeal.  Let me tell you though, that was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my entire life.  I mean, to stand in front of the girl you love and who loves you and to see her the way she was and to just shoot down all her pleas to fix things and just say “No.” makes you feel like the most soulless bastard on earth.  But enough self-deprivation, this isn’t about me it’s about you.  So we went our separate ways and began living our lives as we would’ve had we never met… for a while at least.  We would keep in contact because not only had we become a couple but we were best friends.  I could talk to her about anything and she could come to me when life threw her a curveball.  We’d pretend like we were both doing fine but I know each time our names flashed up on our phone that evil little spark of hope would re-enter her mind and just made things harder and harder.

 First thing I’m going to tell you is DO NOT TRY AND BE FRIENDS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST DON’T.  When the time is right for you to try and spark your friendship back up you’ll know, but don’t think it’ll be the week or the month or even the year after you break up. 

So we continued our awkward stay in the purgatory that was our “relationship” at that point, and I even told her to come visit me like two weeks after we’d broken up.  God I’m such an idiot.  But I can’t lie, I loved having her back, but I didn’t want to seem like too much of a fair-weather boyfriend so after she left I told her I had no intentions of getting back together with her.  That was the first time I realized I had made a huge mistake in leaving her.  The second came with the cooler delivery.

If you hadn’t picked up on it now then I don’t know what to tell you, but Blonde Girl is a complete and total sorority girl.  There’s no denying it, honey.  Her closets are filled to the brim with frocket tees and it’s been scientifically proven that there is a diet coke with 10ft. of her at any given time.  One of the skills honed in being a sorority (besides the toughness it takes to walk in Jack Roger’s) is cooler painting, which she excelled at.  Knowing this, my parents employed her to paint a cooler for my brother’s lacrosse team; a cooler that I might add looked spectacular.  Now they had asked this of her when we were still together but being the person that she was, Blonde Girl wasn’t going to let a stupid boy get between her and her crafting especially when she had already given her word that she would complete it.  It was the end of Thanksgiving Break and I had all my bags packed and ready to make the voyage back up to college, but I wasn’t going to leave before I got to see the girl who’d been in my mind since that  last time I’d watched her drive off into the distance in her little red car.  She came up to the door cooler rolling at her side and the only thing I could think when she stepped through my door was holy shit, she smells amazing.  We sat and talked for a while about how things had been and what our plans were for Winter Break which was right around the corner.  I cherished every moment I saw her flash that beautiful smile my way and was baffled by how much I missed just sitting next to her.  She left soon after and so did the calm, reserved façade I’d put up when she arrived.  For the next two weeks we talked non-stop.  It was like we were back together again and it felt wonderful.  Exams flew by and when it was time to head home, I knew there was one stop I needed to make before I got there. 

I went back down to see her and I remember that night beside her was without a doubt the best, most relaxing sleep I’d ever had in my life.  I’d found my place finally.  I can still remember what she said to me as she wrapped her arms around my neck for our final embrace before I left.

“Will you be mine again?”

  Since then we have been together and have been happier than ever.  The distance may get tough sometimes and we may not like arguing but I’ve realized I’d rather rough it with her than relax alone any day.

Now you’re probably thinking: “I thought you said this wasn’t about you?  Wtf dude?”   Well, let me finish. The many sleepless nights I had to think over my stupidity granted me the time to come up with a few theories about how to keep your relationship happy and timeless.

 

Relationships are Puzzles

It’s one of the truest things you’re going to hear your whole life.  When you first get into a relationship it’s as if you’ve looked at the pretty picture on the cover of the box and thought “wow that looks great, I want that”, and now you’ve just poured out all the pieces onto the table.  What you’re going to want to do next is to get a strong base for the relationship, or “Find the Corners.”  I use this expression because whenever I’d do puzzles with my mom she’d always do the outside pieces first because it gave her a better idea of where the inner pieces went.  Now I’m going to go a little more in depth and compare each person as a puzzle piece, so try and keep up.  When you put a puzzle together you’re looking for pieces which have matching indentions and protrusions, because without them the puzzle wouldn’t stay together.  The differences of the pieces are what keep the puzzle together to an extent.  Try matching pieces together that are too different and you end up forcing them and the puzzle (the whole relationship in this context) looks ugly and misshapen.  So find someone who’s just different enough and in the right ways to keep your interest but not piss you off too much.  That forms a great basis for any successful relationship.

 

It’s all about ENTHUSIASM!

Nothing worth anything in life is accomplished without enthusiasm so this section can be applied to your everyday life in almost any situation.

Have you ever seen those people who just exude coolness?  Like everything they do is smooth and effortless, and it just doesn’t seem like they can do any wrong?  Well I’m here to tell you, STOP TRYING TO BE THEM.  Seriously.  Some people are just born with the uncanny ability to accomplish anything without seeming like they’ve tried at all, and just as any successful illusionist will tell you, it’s all about misdirection.  While they might not seem like the most apathetic person alive, if they are more successful than you it is because their enthusiasm is elsewhere.  For those whose enthusiasm eludes them in life; I like my milkshakes with no cherry on top, thanks.

Now when you think about this in the context of your relationship understand that women love when guys are proud of them.    You can argue all you want but I have 4 billion women on this planet that will back me up on this.  So guys when you introduce your girlfriend make sure people know it’s your girlfriend, and be upbeat about it too.  Now here’s where the line is drawn: Don’t introduce her or constantly talk about her in a way that makes you seemed obsessive.  It’s off putting to the people around you and honestly, probably your girlfriend too.  Girls:  Guys want your enthusiasm in different ways.  Me personally, I love when my girlfriend greets me by jumping into my arms with a kiss and a huge smile on her face after a long hiatus.  But everyone’s different.  Now girls, while I say I love that I’d also like to let you know that you don’t want your words and hugs and smiles to lose their value.  How do they lose their value, you ask?  By doing it too much.  Understand the right times and circumstances for that big running, jumping hug, and when to plant one on your boo.  Too much of a good thing can be just as bad as not enough of it.  Find the happy medium.

 

Do the little things for huge returns

This one I’ll leave pretty concise because it’s something that everyone hears constantly when asking for relationship advice but sometimes we just seem to lose track on keeping up with it. 

Do y’all remember the first time your significant other did something little for you that you thought was adorable?  Or the first time you surprised them; the look of utter bliss that came upon them when they saw what you’d done?  You should.  And if not, you need to start now.  Remembering the good in your relationship and in your life as a whole is how we deal with the bad.  If we can’t look back on the roots of our relationship and remember how great it was it makes fighting to keep it alive down the road a lot more difficult.  As someone committed to another, in any way, you should want to see them happy, so don’t just stop at the generic cute comments or routines to do that.  Find out what kind of music they’re listening to and make them a mixtape.  Leave little notes around for them to find once you leave.  Anything to break the norm!!!  As I said in the last section, enthusiasm is everything.  Don’t let your love fall short because you weren’t willing to go above and beyond.

 

Well I hope you all have enjoyed this article.  Hopefully it’s been edited from its original size because good god is this thing long.  But when you close your computers or your iPhone browsers and go onto your day to day life as usual, don’t forget what you’ve read and take these ideas with you into your life.  Stay committed, stay faithful, stay happy and more importantly don’t go touching the stove after I’ve just showed you how hot and searing it can really be.

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