Forgiveness/Genuinity/Timing

19 Nov

Today was one of those days.

And by one of those days, I mean one of the best days of my life.

For the first time, in a really long time, I felt 100% content with my life.

And I don’t mean “No, I really am happy” coming out of my mouth half assedly. I mean full out grinning like a fool, feeling weightless, with that extra skip in my step, happy.

Today I did something I should have done a long time ago. Apologize.

About 5 or 6 months ago, someone shared some information with me that I took with a grain of salt, when I should have heeded that warning and took it way more seriously. Love makes us stupid, plain and simple. At least it made me a little stupid. He could do no wrong, and if I heard of anything I didn’t like, I’d ignore it and remain blissfully unaware of whatever I should have been paying attention to. I told this person they were crazy, delusional, among other really rude and uncalled for things. And I hadn’t spoken to them since, until today. For whatever reason, I had been feeling so guilty about how I treated her. She was really only looking out for me in the end, and instead of respecting and appreciating her honesty, I shut her down and called her a loon. (Word of advice, don’t do that). So today, I sent her a little message. Nothing too novel-esque, but long enough for me to explain that I was geniunely sorry for being so damn stupid and that she was right. And being a girl, I know that there is nothing that us fine creatures love more than to hear those magic words “You’re right”. A few minutes later, she responded telling me to call her later. So, I did. We ended up talking for about two hours, just about everything. And it felt awesome. It felt so great to right my wrongs and fix severed ties. Though this girl and I weren’t friends before, which is why I appreciate her honesty even more, because she didn’t have to be so kind to a total stranger, but now I can say we are. I mean hello, here I am in my apartment crafting for her because we decided to swap crafts. How freakin’ cute are we. I always kind of thought “Damn, if she didn’t hate me I actually think we would be good friends.” And hey, low and behold, we are. Funny the way life works out. 

So today, go right your wrongs. Talk to a long lost friend. Tell your mother you love her. Hug your puppy if you’ve puppy shamed it recently. Whatever. Just do something.

Now for genuinity. Today, My ex’s brother sent me quite possibly one of the most polite, geniune, awesome texts. It actually made me cry, real tears. Completely unexpected. I had been texting him on and off all day since his mother is comissioning me to paint a cooler for their high school lacrosse team. But when someone texts me “Abby, can I talk to you about something real quick?”, naturally I get scared, freak out, and think worst case scenario. Can’t let that be known, so I was just like “Absolutely Jake, whats up?” half expecting it to be cooler related or something totally different, I have no idea what I was thinking.

“I know things ended badly with you and _______, but I still love you like a big sister and I think that you’re a great person. Please don’t let anything that happened negatively between you guys get to you too much. Love you Abby, just keep your head up”.

Maybe it’s just me but that message, for whatever reason, with everything happening, pulled right at my heart strings and just boom tears waterworks whatever. It’s small and seems insignificant to probably 95% of people reading this post, maybe even closer to 100% but good god did that make my day. 

Timing. The final prong of this post. 

I’ve been getting too many thoughtful texts from my ex’s family today. I love thoughtful texts, but one from his mom made me really realize something.

Right person, way wrong time.

I fought admitting that up and down when I was still begging to keep the relationship alive, but its true. Nathan was a great guy, but he came in at a less than ideal time for the both of us. We’re young. We’re in college. I shouldn’t be concerned and stressed about a serious relationship, I should be concerned with what my game day plans are and stressed about stupid group projects. While the breakup was hard and hurt me, I realize that it really was for the best. Truthfully, I don’t know if I would have have studied abroad if I stayed with him. But now, I am looking into a maymester in Spain, and potentially a semester/year in Germany. I have been able to dedicate more time to my blog, my job, my sorority, my family, and my friends. 

Turn your wounds into wisdom.

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