Archive | August, 2013

Who’s Number 1?

23 Aug

“I have feelings too. All I want is to be loved, for myself..”

– Marilyn Monroe

 

And that’s all I’m going to say for tonight. 

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The past should stay there… right?

21 Aug

It has always confused the hell out of me how poeple stay friends with their exes. I don’t mean like “say hi to them in public” friends, I mean “keep in touch, visit, friends with the family” friends. Am I doing something wrong? Because I am not close with a single one of my exes. We do not talk, we do not say hello, we have not kept in touch. And I’m completely okay with that. Why would I keep in contact with someone who had hurt me? I can’t say that I hurt them because my relationships typically ended because of something they did. Sometimes they just plain didn’t work out, and it got awkward after that. Like hello, you didn’t treat me like a princess and that’s not cool. You’re no longer worth my time. I can’t say they didn’t make attempts to reappear in my life, because some did. Sorry, not interested. I don’t like to make mistakes, so why would I willingly make the same one twice? Provided, being friends, they can’t hurt me in the same ways, but that trust is hindered; that ship has sailed.

Even giving them chances. If you’re crazy, and you suck, and you’re hell bent on being “friends”, thats awesome. I don’t care. Why would someone repeatedly let them try to prove themselves worthy of being a friend, and watch them continuously screw that up? But then KEEP letting them try? Hello! STOP!

Maybe it weirds me out so much when other people are friends with exes because I never had that experience, and I don’t want to have it either. I mean it doesn’t make me mad, it just really, really throws me off. Like, how do you do it? 

Those Conversations You Wish Didn’t Have To Happen

19 Aug

“I broke a lamp”

“I failed a test”

“I don’t trust you”

“I lost my job”

“I’m jealous”

 

Ever have those conversations where you’re biting your tongue the whole time because you wish you didnt have to have the conversation? And you’re trying to think of ways to cleverly change the topic, or avoid questions with short answers. I feel like the past few weeks of my life have been a string of conversations I didn’t want to happen. 

 

A very scummy guy solidified my reasons for trust issused the other night due his complete lack of fidelity to his girlfriend. For the record this isn’t me, rather something I watched happen. Not only his lack of fidelity, but his lack of regard for others that are in a happy, committed relationship, is what really pissed me off. How can you sit there and be completely flirty with someone else and say “I’m much more committed than you think I am”. Buddy, it’s not hard to be more committed than I think you are right now. Your girlfriend lives 2 minutes down the road, go pester her. Then you say “She’s not like that”. Oh? So now youre being a total douche-lord and assuming I am? Believe me you deserve a swift slap in the mouth for that one. 

Nothing happened, obviously, but no girlfriend wants to tell her boyfriend she was harrassed. It just causes serious amounts of concern.

Although its even worse when your boyfriend is nowhere to be found, and while you should tell him, you actually can’t because he is MIA. 

Let me just say that few things piss me off more than people who just STOP texting. If youre going out, or fucking around, tell me! I’ll stop expecting a response and be far less annoyed with your lack of texting ettiquite. 

Continue..

The conversation about last nights events happened this morning, and of course I was still upset about it. Hello.. someone completely disrespected me.

That conversation sparked a damn fire.

It’s nice having a boyfriend that’s a bit protective. It’s nice knowing they care.

Snowball effect, we hashed a million and five things out.

And truthfully I didn’t feel like having half a million of those conversations.

Love him, love talking to him, but could have done without most of those.

 

Saturday Secrets/The Bright Side

18 Aug

Drawing inspiration from secrets.

I used to think I didn’t have any secrets and then I realized that I have a ton.

1. I never wanted to be married until I went to college.

2. When my boyfriend and I take my baby sister out for dinner, we go along with it when people assume shes our daughter.

3. When I’m in a rush/don’t feel like waiting in a long line for coffee, I ask the people if I can cut them because I’m about to get ready for a wedding.

4. I cry every single time I watch the Titanic.

5. I met my current boyfriend via twitter.

6. I don’t mind not going home often.

7. I screen my calls.

8. I adore my boyfriends mother. How many girls can say that?

9. I have only gotten one detention in my whole life…. okay two… for not turning in homework in the 4th grade, and for chewing gum in 8th grade.

10. When I’m alone in my apartment (80% of the time), I don’t wear pants and usually start to rock out.

 

Onto the next portion…

None of what I’ve gone through in the past year, or will continue to go through is easy. Everything requires a great deal of patience, and hope, and trust, and lots of other things that are real hard to come by sometimes. This summer, I’ve been pretty lonely. Except the times my boyfriend would visit me and vice versa, and when darling sweet ToniAnn came to town a few times, I have been alone. It sucked and I cried and I talked to everyone about it. But I didn’t think of the bright side.

Being alone, I finally had time to focus on ME. I had taken three summer classes this summer, and needed to do good in each of them. I had lots of decorating to do with my new apartment. I had a future little to begin crafting for. I had a serious tan to work on. And you know what? I got to do all of that and then some. It was nice to be able to be a little selfish on my own. Having a roommate was kind of a challenge last year because we didn’t see eye to eye on much. But now I only had to worry about me, my mess, my schedule, ME. And it was nice.

And like my long distance relationship. It sucks beyond belief to not see my boyfriend every single day or so like most people. But, when I’m with him, the wait is worth it. I spend the week just focused on school and work and then when the weekend comes, its all him and I. And I love it.

 

Basically, just always look on the bright side of life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo

A Whole Year

17 Aug

First off let me just state the obvious: I have completely sucked at blog upkeep over the summer.

But, I’ve been busy. Between moving into my apartment, enjoying vacation time with my family and boyfriend, countless hours spent crafting for my future little, 15 hour drives to Massachusetts, working at American Eagle, among other things, I just haven’t been on my A game.

That is all going to change. I’ve been in talks with some graphic desgin and template folks over at http://www.jellydesignstudio.com/, and am ready to get this space rolling. I think part of why I don’t blog as intensely is because right now, this space isn’t where I want it. I’m not happy with my website design or any of that. I mean hello, I’m not a professional at this. Finding people who are professionals, will hopefully help me launch this creative space into something worthwhile. Anyway..

 

As I head into my sophomore year at USC (YIKES), I think about everything that’s happened in the last year.

– 3 of my friends have gotten engaged, one of which is getting married tomorrow!

-I’ve gotten a job at last!

-I’ve changed my major 3 times, but I finally have an idea of what I’d like to do.

-I moved into an apartment of my own, where I will probably be for the next four or so years while I finish my schooling here.

-I learned how to listen to people.

-Obviously more things have happened I just really don’t feel like giving a laundry list update on my life since August 16, 2012.

 

My most recent, most favorite lesson, is to give everyone a chance. I’ll be the first to admit, I am very quick to judge. Partially because I think of myself as very perceptive, which I am. Sometimes, I’m wrong. The thing is, I know I’m wrong.

Do you ever just not like someone, just because? They’ve never really done anything to hurt you, much less converse with you, but you find yourself just fuming at the very thought of their existence? Okay maybe not their existence, but their presence in your life.

Theres someone, who for the LONGEST time, I could not STAND. I detested her, and I was pretty sure she didnt like me. Key words: pretty sure. She was always lurking in a part of my life that I felt she didn’t belong in. Yeah sure she was always on my side and seemed to cheer me on, but because I have been stabbed in the back quite a few times, I couldn’t help but assume that she had an alterior motive. And you know what they say when you assume….

But could you blame me? I mean when you’ve been screwed over by people who seem to be your biggest fans as much as I have, you stop trusting peoples exteriors. You can smile and wave my way all you want, I won’t believe it until you do something that proves yourself genuine.  But anyway, this girl who shall remain nameless stayed on my watch for quite some time.

She proved herself when someone who I thought had proved themself a long time ago, ended up surprising the hell out of me and hurting me more than I had been hurt in a long time.

When you don’t know someone super well, you dont have to do anything for them. If you do, you’ll catch my attention. This girl, who I had never formally met, provided me with lots of emotional support during that time, from listening to me cry and bitch about people, to plotting revenge. I found myself actually being grateful that she was there. Who else would I have talked to? I needed someone who would have understood, and she certainly did.

Even after that, I was still leary of her. She just had a very bubbly personality, and I faulted her for that. I don’t know why, considering I don’t think people fault me for having that same personality trait… at least I don’t think they do. I still hadn’t really gotten to know her. So, we went and got coffee.

We sat and talked for hours. It got to the point where we were getting those “Uh hello where are you” texts from people. I had finally given her that chance, one I should have given to her a long time ago.

Turns out, she and I have a lot in common. Aside from a very clear love for Starbucks, we were both extremely sarcastic, enjoyed going out, and could talk for DAYS. And we do. Because I gave her a chance.

If I hadn’t, I would have missed out on a very valuable friendship.

 

 

Thank you, Hailey.

okkk