Trust

19 Apr

The title is the farthest thing from creative but I’m so mentally drained from this calc exam that I can’t even bother to come up with something remotely clever, so I apologize.

Lately, I’ve been learning that trust is everything. You have to trust those around you, those in your life, and most importantly, yourself. Given certain circumstances, that may or may not be an easy thing to do. The general population seems to care less about trust and more about immediate gratification. Sure, your friend told you a secret in confidence, and you could just not tell anyone, like she asked, or you could gossip to someone else, because you’ll look “cool” having this inside information. In the end, your friend will be pretty hurt, and the trust is gone. Weirdly enough, some people are okay with that. Why? Because they “won”. They “got ahead” for lack of a better phrase.

Once that trust is gone, it’s really hard to get back. Not just get back to where it was, but get it back period. I may be speaking for myself when I say this, but when someone betrays my trust, I hold onto that for a while. I become skeptical on all of their actions, over-analyze their words, and even do my share of facebook creeping. And that’s something I’ll admit to.

It really sucks, because no one ever wants to be betrayed by someone, especially someone they care about. It’s probably one of the worst feelings in the world, and it doesn’t just go away after a day or two. It sits with you, and eats at you, and sometimes it even has you thinking what YOU could have done wrong (even if clearly, you did nothing wrong). Situations like this make you want to blame someone, and often times, the person that gets betrayed, blames themself. Which is obviously completely unfair, but we still do it.

Of course I’m speaking from experience, I don’t come up with these deep thoughts because I get bored and have nothing better to do. Yes, this feeling is currently eating at me, and yes, it completely sucks. But, I’m getting over it. It’s hard, but I’m doing it. Not just for myself, and because I want to be happy, but also for the sake of relationships with others in my life. Holding a grudge forever isn’t fair, and it’s not healthy for either person involved. Forgiving too easily is also unfair, because no one experiences dealing with the problem. If you were just to walk away from all the troubles and people who screwed you over, sure they wouldn’t be in your life anymore, but would it solve anything? No. You’d still walk on through life, continuously getting screwed over. But one day, someone will lie to you or screw you over. It will kill you inside. And you will learn more from that than you ever thought possible. I promise you though, it will be worth it.

What you take out in the end is much more valuable than the initial anger and pain you could harbor endlessly.

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