So…. I was a little crazy a few nights ago. Actually, it all started a few months ago.
The running joke at my job is how much of a player I am. Which is kind of true… but I don’t want it to be. I work in sales, therefore I am a social butterfly and love meeting people. I love meeting guys. Interesting ones, with cool careers and 401K’s and condos in Uptown with incredible skyline views who want to go to McCormick and Shmicks for lobster and martinis. Basic ones, with entry level jobs and credit card debt living in studio apartments who will go to Cookout with me at 2 AM because we both want corn dogs. And every guy in between. Why? Because you never know who you will connect with. In any and all of my many sales jobs, it is the clients I least expected that I formed the closest connections with, and I think that taught me a lot about relationships in general. Apparently, social butterfly equates to player. Well, I mean maybe it’s the cases in which I stop returning their calls and quickly move onto the next because I didn’t click with them and don’t feel the need to explain that to them. In retrospect, that sounds pretty terrible because I’m the first to complain about a guy ghosting me. But this isn’t the point.
I am so siiiiiiiick and tired of testing the waters and only ever getting surface level with someone. I might be ruthless in some senses, but I have a big ole heart and want to share that with someone. Yeah, I know that’s mushy and probably goes against “player code” but so freakin’ be it. I think I keep running through rosters in hopes that I will find my Tom Brady. The superstar. The stud (even if it’s just in my eyes). The one who changes the game.
So far…that is far from the case. I have found lots of Johnny Manziel’s, Jordan Rogers’, and Matt Ryan’s. And I mean don’t get me wrong. Manziel dudes are always a fun time and bring the party, but are far from serious. Rogers types are pretty boys that bring nothing to the table but a few past successes. And the Ryan’s of the world… just overall pretty disappointing (mostly in 2015). But if Tom Brady can go from a player no one wanted to four time Superbowl Champ, I think I can be patient too. But in the meantime, why am I wasting my time pursuing people I know will not be in my life for more than a few minutes? As a salesperson, I love the chase. It forces me to get creative, and push people to be on my side and buy what I’m selling. If they buy, I get paid. If they don’t, I still survive. So why push for something where if I lose, I lose hard. And even if I win, I still lose eventually? Because it’s entertaining? Keeps me busy? I’m delusional?
Starting to lean towards the last one. I mean seriously… the most recent guy ghosted TWICE because he “didn’t want to give me the wrong idea”, met up with me, and ghosted again and I’m the one left to be annoyed and overall kind of bummed? Sounds like some BS to me. Is this all bad dating karma? Who even knows. But I think it’s time to stop chasing (even though I do love feeling accomplished) and start letting things happen. You wanna ghost? Fine homie, your loss. You wanna run games? Count me out dude. I understand I’m 21, but after 4 years of this in college, I’m kind of over it. It’s kind of sad to realize how many actually GOOD guys I probably pushed away because their sweet actions pushed me away. For some reason, nothing is more attractive to me than a guy who wont give me the time of day.
So… back to being a player. I tried having a new date every night. And let me tell you it was exhausting. Physically, because the last thing I want to do after a bad shift at work is go on a date that I may or may not be excited about. Mentally, because that’s a lot of names to keep up with. Seriously they started blurring together. There were 4 “MATT CLT” contacts in my phone at one point. There were 2 Evan’s who were thankfully polar opposites so that helped. But countless others. The dinner conversations all started to blur together. I may or may not have confused the places to meet for drinks once or twice. So after a lot of wasted time, I stopped. Not just because of the impact it had on me, but because I felt geniunely bad about it. I mean seriously, I don’t know how some of you guys do it. I understand the whole wanting to enjoy being young while we’re young thing, but forcing it is just ridiculous. I found myself so happy to get to go to my own apartment after work and lay in bed until midnight if I wanted to. I also get to go out on a Tuesday night if I want to. I think that’s the part of being young we should want to enjoy. Not the “being tied down” part, but getting to do what we want, when we want, and not having to answer to anyone part. Being tied down to one person doesn’t sound so bad, if you find the right person. But eventually adulting means having to compromise with your significant other on whether you want to go in or stay out. Pizza or salads. Going to the beach or the mountains. So enjoy the part of your life where you get to truly think for yourself. You don’t get this time back.